Love? No? No?
We’re not needy. We’re wanty. Humans! For a major half of our lives we are riddled with questions whose answers we are always uncertain of. All questions related to love lead us to paths very vague and very whimsical. So much so, comes a time when the spell of love has worked its magic on us and we begin to give meaning to our existence through love. Love is the answer. Why should I go on living? Love!
Really?
Love – selfless? Love – selfish?
Love if selfless, does it hold the power to be the harbinger for the entire life? How long can we go on living through this selfless crutch that love is? A week? A month? A year? An entire life? An eternity? These are not really the questions that can be answered through a generalized and informed assessment. Selfless by its very definition is to put the other above one self, even not above oneself, rather to keep ones needs non-existent for the other. The other here is the beloved. The beloved is the supreme. Who am I? Beloved’s. Who is mine? Beloved. Who do I look after? Beloved. Who do I care for? Beloved. Who cares for me? ?
Love if selfish, does it hold the power to retain the innocence which brought it to us in the first instance? How long can we go on living through this selfish crutch that love is? No. The question here is still the same: How long can the other go on living with us through his selfless crutch that love is? How long can we be selfish in love without disgusting the very core of our own human heart? A week? A month? A year? An entire life? An eternity? Selfish by its virtue puts one above the other, even not above the other, rather suppresses the other’s needs. The other here cannot really be called beloved because the world prohibits us of this notion. You are selfish – you have no right to call your lover beloved. But for this particular case of selfish love we must discard the world. The other here too is beloved. But the beloved is not the supreme. Who am I? My Beloved’s Lover. Who is mine? My beloved. Who do I look after? My love for my beloved. Who do i care for? My Beloved. Who cares for me? My beloved.
In both above scenarios there is a fatal defect in reasoning. The selfless love comes out as an unrequited love. The selfish love comes out as forced love. Now the question we must ask ourselves is this: How often do we witness selfless love as an unrequited love and selfish love as a forced love? And to answer this question, we must take off the baggage of our past experiences from our shoulders and look into that baggage. Do we get an answer? Is unrequited love always selfless? Is forced love always selfish? Or perhaps through the winds of time, selfless love becomes unrequited? And selfish love becomes forced? Our past holds all the answers. Our experiences in the playfield of love holds the answer. And these answers are all our own. Not anyone else’s. Each individual, each heart, each love – each answer. But yes, with certainty, we have an answer. But do we want to face and fight that answer to answer our numero-uno question: Is love the answer to all questions?
Like in most cases, here too, it becomes critical to draw a line. Between selfless and selfish. Perhaps a line which is tight and balances both selfless and selfish. For all things that one must acquire a reason of selfishness in needed. It’s undeniable. If you are not selfish why would you make an effort to achieve something. That something being love here. It’s safe now to enforce that selfishness is an ingredient to spice the love. Quantity? Or rather we can put the spice of selfishness in abundance and add another spice which must surely balance the taste. Selflessness. Quantity? Who holds the answer to this question of quantity which must balance both selfishness and selflessness? Beloved. Of course beloved holds the answer. Because for the beloved you are beloved as well – there is the exchange of shoes. You are the lover of your beloved. You are the beloved and your beloved becomes your lover. Thus, the exchange of spices of selfishness and selflessness depends on mutuality: A mutuality which may not be evident at first instant but must be allowed to breed. And like all things other in life, here too, the speed of breeding entirely depends on the two souls entangled in this dome of love. Our main concern is not the time constraint but whether this breeding of mutuality will lead to the balancing act of selfishness and selflessness. We must let this balance be held still like a morning pond, if we are to answer the definite question – is love the answer to all?
Strolling down on to a narrower lane of selfless love and selfish love, we reach at a lamp post which has a signboard hung. It reads – Compromise. It is the fulcrum which balances selfless and selfish. As dead say, ‘If in love compromise seems like a compromise it isn’t love at all!’ Since the dead said it and the dead are, well, dead; we can only again fall back into the lap of our past. Look for the instances when we have made a comprise, in love or otherwise. Can we trace back how it felt? And answer lies in the question, if we can’t trace back how we felt when we made that compromise then that compromise was true and worthwhile and most probably it was in love, not necessarily a love for the beloved, but love nevertheless. Dead were right then, however small their right was, it was indeed right.
But, but we missed a turn on this love lane. We must walk at least a few miles backwards to look at another turn and not look rather walk into it, run into it as well. Because if we accidentally miss this lane then compromise and the sight of selfless love and selfish love becomes blurred sooner or later. This lane is called – Besotted. Much need not to be said about it. Much need to be experienced about it. Make no mistake, a brisk walk(even) in this lane is fatal. Angels of Death and Angels of Life both tussle in this very lane, nowhere else. But as long as one walks this lane, one is completely unaware of all the war that goes on in this backdrop and dimly lit alleys of this lane. It is only when one arrives at the end of this lane, one is welcomed either in horror or in bliss by the Angels of Death or the Angels of Life or if one is extremely lucky then by both as well sometimes.
Ideally one must always remain in the besotted lane to avoid asking oneself whether love is the answer to all. But ideally? What is ideal in this existence of fickle hearts wanty of love? All the souls which have been out of the besotted lane or perhaps never visited this will always be disturbed and often be depressed about is love the answer to all. Selfless love and Selfish love along with the compromise can still not be discounted. Cause answer lies somewhere near, if it lies anywhere at all.
Although very fanciful, yet the approach to find the answer to our question till now has been very magical. Let’s get a bite of reality, after all we are to survive in reality, most of us, and at least us few who have exited the besotted lane in despair and anguish. What makes our reality? Dreaded M for Money. A large chunk of it encompasses how the compromise is going to take place. But be very particular in understanding that Money never comes into the picture until the things have already started to fall apart. Because our magical notion that love can hold anything together is yet to be proved insipid. Money, effective in tearing souls of love apart, is also Goliath-esque. It has all the scare which can be defeated with only a little bravery. Is love brave enough? What is the foundation of its bravery? Being Besotted or Compromise? Both perhaps? Any further investigation will be futile. The only other foundation of bravery left unexplored is love itself. Can a love, not the one for beloved, be the foundation for another? Seems probable, and seems to be as close to answer as one can aspire to be. Can a love stem the growth of another love, a love more intense than the previous, a love more cosmic than the previous, a love more winding than the previous, a new love for a new beloved perhaps? Yes and No. In all cases No. But Yes, if and only if the foundations of bravery to fight all the way are laid barely and stoutly into the blood of both the souls.
What one wants to feel in that state of being wanty, also has a mystical dimension to it which paves way for a new horizon to seek. Different souls inhabit different hearts. Each heart is wanty in its own way. Not difficult to understand but difficult to fulfill that particular want of the beloved. If the lover is successful in fulfilling the precise and specific want of the heart of the beloved, even for a little while, it might lead to something everlasting. Sustenance of that want by the lover, although far more difficult, may reap bliss. The play of exchange of shoes comes into the picture once again. Both the beloved and the lover must under all conditions exchange their shoes. No one soul can remain beloved or lover. If that be the case then again, only one wanty heart will have its need fulfilled. But both hearts are wanty. Hence without the exchange of shoes, the love is bound to collapse and it won’t be the answer to all. But again how often should this exchange happen? Wants of beloved and wants of lover will instruct.
Every arrow we shoot, most hit nearby these two particular spots: balance and mutuality. Balance needed to dabble between selflessness and selfishness. Mutuality needed for the crossover of wants of hearts and role reversal of the beloved and lover. A unique intersection of all these five entities: selflessness, selfishness, wants of beloved, wants of lover, role reversal of beloved and lover; might shower some light whether love is the answer to all. How many of us are and will be fortunate enough to experience bliss thorough this intersection? And for how long can this intersection sustain? Who knows! But we know, that love can be the answer, indeed, as long as that cosmic intersection holds the hands of both the souls truly and diligently and firmly.
